BattleBots Update is supported primarily through community support and crowdfunding, this project makes virtually nothing from ads. If you enjoy this project and are able please consider backing it on Patreon or Ko-Fi, thanks!

[BattleBots: S11 E4 is available via streaming on Discovery+.]

Last week’s BattleBots Update was brought to you by Clonazepam. This week’s one is brought to you by Diet Coke because I’m trying to lose weight so I’m exclusively drinking beverages that taste like dumpster juice. It’s the fuel that literally keeps me going because thanks to supply chain issues the stores are out of the caffeine free versions of Diet Coke. Boy I tell ya I’m sure glad that ain’t my problem. Now I just wonder if my second rate bot parts that I ordered from AliExpress are ever going to show up.

Party Rock is in the house tonight.

We’re at the point in the season where we’re starting to see some bots come back around for fight #2 such as Malice and Jackpot in this week’s opening battle. Ribbot, Mammoth, Tombstone, Tantrum, Sawblaze, and Mad Catter also all return for their second battles, some of them being with each other… Tombstone versus Mammoth ought to prove to be especially interesting because we’ll get to see the rapid disassembly of a swing set. But making its season debut in this episode is the myth, the legend, the Sabertooth Cat itself… Ghost Raptor. It’ll be squaring off against the sideways-driving likes of Glitch. Blade also makes its long awaited debut in America against Skorpios who’s also making its season debut tonight.

The main event pits Sawblaze against Mad Catter in a fight to see who’s fursona reigns supreme. I know I said I’d stop making jokes like that on this website because that fandom is fucking disgusting but if someone’s going to serve me an ace the least I can do is whack it back at them.



Team Malice

Weapon: Horizontal spinning blade


Vegas Combat Robotics

Weapon: Vertical spinning disc


It’s only episode four and here’s Malice again after just a two week break. Either this season isn’t going to be as long as the others or they’re rushing this robot out the door. Malice enters this battle at 0-1 after losing to Tantrum in a fight that could have ended via KO with Malice getting stuck on the wall. I really wish it did because Malice’s weapon crapped out after taking a blast straight to the face so the robot spent two minutes and fifty seconds stuck on the front of Tantrum doing fuck all. It looks like the “Rolling Blackout” bar has returned for this battle however so that’s some serious stock the team is putting in their weapon considering we just saw this thing spectacularly shit the bed two episodes ago.

Jackpot is technically “debuting” in this fight as far as episodes go but it was featured in the YouTube bonus fight for the first episode where it out flexed Deadlift and did all kinds of damage with its double diamond spinner. That fight wasn’t covered on BBU because the YouTube fights go up on Sundays and these articles go up on Fridays and a lot of people enjoy reading these posts over the weekend so I’m unwilling to budge. We’ll double back and cover the YouTube fights at some point though. Jackpot came out with its usual spinner in its previous fight but this time around it’s using the “Heartbreaker” spinner, a heart-shaped chunk of steel very similar in appearance to End Game’s weapon and packing some extra punch specifically to deal with beefier spinners like Malice.

I guarantee that light cost more than $80 to fix.

I always thought Jackpot was Jeff Waters’ first bot but in the pre-fight interviews he drops a major bomb: he used to own Malice. That used to be his robot? This whole time I thought Bunny Sauriol and her team put that together. They’ve improved it I’m sure but I thought Jackpot was Jeff’s first go around considering how the robot was presented last year. Jackpot’s plan is to go for a box rush right at the start and it misses its mark meaning both robots now have a chance to get their weapons up to speed. They connect and Malice catches the short end of the stick reeling backwards toward the Pulverizer. Apparently this is enough to coax a “huge hit there” out of Kenny Florian. The bar is set so low these days. Speaking of low bars Malice gets whacked again and rolls over meaning its weapon is riding higher off of the ground. Thus far it’s done jack shit but now that it’ll be striking higher up on Jackpot perhaps we’ll see a turn in Malice’s luck?

The answer is no. No, Malice will not see a turn in its luck. Malice is flipped over again by Jackpot and if you watch closely you’ll notice Malice shaking as it spins its weapon up to speed meaning it’s lost part or all of one of its weapon teeth resulting in the bar spinning unevenly. So far I’m rating Malice’s performance in this fight as an F, but its impression of Tombstone an A+. You can also see Jackpot’s weapon throttling with each hit as to not wreck the assembly. The weapon disc itself may have only cost 80 bucks but the motor running it is several magnitudes more expensive than that so it’s not so much protecting the weapon as it is literally everything else running it. Hell the custom pulleys and hubs that the fucking thing is attached to probably cost more than $80. A cheap weapon disc doesn’t mean you can drive it like you stole it.

Gee something tells me Malice won’t qualify for the main tournament.

Jackpot smacks Malice again and some sparks shart out from the back of the robot as it flips over. Malice’s left wheel has also suddenly stopped working so I think we can deduce where the sparks came from. The weapon is still running though so it looks like whatever was wrong with it (busted bearings, I believe) has been dealt with but now there’s a bigger problem. Malice can swing and drift around but it’s hard to stay competitive when all you can do is crabwalk in circles. Jackpot demonstrates this by cleaving into Malice’s face, busting something off of the robot, and shattering a goddamned light with it. First one of the season and Jackpot’s team is lit the fuck up over it. Jackpot very nearly ends this fight by shunting Malice on top of the red square screws but the hazards start to turn the other way freeing the robot.

No matter, that just means Malice’s punishment will be prolonged. As long as that thing keeps trying to move Jackpot is beating the everliving shit out of it. More sparks come out of Malice’s back end and there’s a green glow to them usually indicative of a motor that’s come apart and burning out, something we’ve seen from bots like Hypothermia in the past. Jackpot starts to smoke and its weapon spins down meaning that $80 hunk of steel probably just cost them $1,000 in repairs, meanwhile the ref says he’s seen enough of Malice and starts counting it out. If crabwalking isn’t considered “controlled movement” then why did he wait like a full minute before counting the team out? Shouldn’t this countdown have happened way sooner?

WINNER: Jackpot, KO



Team Ribbot

Weapon: Horizontal spinning disc


Equals Zero Robotics

Weapon: Clamping/lifting jaw

no ribbot yamate

Much like Malice, Ribbot is also already back in the arena for seconds after dispatching newcomer Defender via KO with a bold statement “you ain’t shit”. In Ribbot’s previous fight I lamented the fact that the robot is modular but we rarely ever see anything but the vertical spinner. Well tonight we’re in luck because even though it’s technically fighting the same exact style of robot as its first match David Jin has opted to go for the undercutter blade and plow combo kit for his goofy ass frog robot. We’ve still never seen the lifter as far as I can recall but at least this is a breath of fresh air. Also Ribbot is blue and has cat ears on it specifically to fuck with Overhaul’s team. Kenny even says so.

Overhaul’s not new but I wouldn’t fault you for thinking it was because it’s been years since this machine has turned up at BattleBots, long enough for people to think that Charles Guan had taken a step back from robotics to pursue his other hobbies. I wonder if you can guess what those “other hobbies” are based upon his style of dress. When I said this opponent was just like Ribbot’s previous one I wasn’t kidding; Overhaul’s weapon is a clamping jaw that bites down on robots and then the whole apparatus pivots upward to raise other robots off of the floor. This one’s more like Complete Control than Defender was. Also it’s bold of Kenny to commend Overhaul’s durability considering this thing’s been KO’d by Beta and sunk by War Hawk. It has something like ten losses and only a couple of wins, one of them being over Suitcase Chomp so that’s not saying a lot.


Ribbot dives right to get its weapon up to speed. It does this because if it dove left it would’ve run into the fucking shelf. The frog delivers its first hit of the fight and it seems like Overhaul just shrugs it off. The second hit however definitely sends chunks of something flying off of the lifter so the sooner Charles can do his whole “grab them and take them to every hazard in the arena” thing the better. Ribbot comes in for yet another blow that’s powerful enough to spin Overhaul completely around followed by a second shot that literally bends the entire left corner of the robot’s plow backwards. That plow edge looks like it’s made from hearty aluminum layered with some kind of steel so just imagine the fucking power in Ribbot’s blade to do that kind of damage.

Overhaul’s forks are bent, the plow is bent, it looks like the plow might even be bent back far enough to pinch a tire, and the whole damn robot is just sitting quietly in the center of the arena. Ribbot starts running circles around its dead opponent and even takes a moment to shake its ass at it. I guess that settles it, WPI > MIT.

Also Overhaul is just as bad as ever. That two year wait was for nothing.

WINNER: Ribbot, KO



Team Orby

Weapon: Horizontal spinning blade


Team Bot Bash Party Crew

Weapon: Hammer saw

Skorpios bites the booty.

Probably the most hyped up robot set to debut this season is Blade, also known as “Orby Blade” borrowing the team’s name to differentiate the robot from others because “Blade” on its own is pretty damned common. I’ll be going by the robot’s actual name though so “Blade” it is. It’s like Wesley Snipes, just less cool. Blade comes from South Korea, also known as “Second Best Korea”. It’s participated in robot combat events in China with some success but as the BattleBots hosts put it this is the big leagues so a win here would be an important victory for Team Orby and a great start for their rookie season. Blade is basically Tombtstone except if Will Bales designed it. It literally looks like a Hypershock-themed Tombstone.

Skorpios is a robot that you just don’t want to mess with. I mentioned Tombstone a second ago and here’s a robot that didn’t just beat Tombstone last year but cut a whole fucking wheel and motor off of the legend in the process. It also defeated Icewave in the Bounty Hunters miniseries. I still can’t believe this is the same robot that in 2016 drove straight into the screws and was eliminated it’s such a night and day difference now. Skorpios’ weapon is a lot like Sawblaze and Blacksmith’s who we’ve seen already this season, a hammer saw featuring a hefty one-toothed disc to deal some major damage. I think Skorpios has been in the shadow of Sawblaze for a while now and last season probably put the team ahead as a real contender.

Score one point for Blade. And that’s it.

Blade tries to start the fight facing backwards to give it some buffer time to get spinning and this sort of works, Blade’s weapon does indeed get up to speed but when it makes contact with the side of Skorpios’ plow it doesn’t seem to do much damage. Even worse because of the direction the weapon spins this hit forces Blade to turn into the corner next to the Upper Deck where Skorpios can freely just go to town and prevent Blade from doing much of anything. Skorpios throws its first punch and slices into Blade’s backside leaving a visible cleave in the armor. Skorpios also starts smoking for no apparent reason and this might be belt friction but I’m not sure, so if Blade can manage to not die it might stand a chance against an impending weaponless Skorpios.

There goes the gearbox.

Until then however Skorpios is more than willing to welcome the Korean team to BattleBots by bringing their robot down right in front of the drivers’ booth where the teams are and blasting the left gearbox to hell. Blade’s got a nimble drivetrain but it also has exposed drive gears and this flurry of chops just turns the gears to shit and causes the left side of Blade to seize up completely. I bet the refs won’t count Blade out. Watch. Blade’s weapon is still working and it gets deflected off of Skorpios’ front end while the robot joins Skorpios by lighting one up as well and starts smoking. I’m assuming the smoke from Blade probably has to do with inadvertently stressing the drive motor attached to the seized gearbox because you know that kind of stalling isn’t good. It probably smells like bad takeout in the arena right now because this whole time Skorpios has continued to emit smoke on its own whenever it tries to hit Blade.

Skorpios brings its spinner down on Blade’s weapon brace and the disc carves into it and gets stuck. Skorpios solves this by crashing into the front of the deck to separate the two bots before somehow corralling Blade right back into that same fucking corner and whaling on it with the Pulverizer. Even though Skorpios continues to smoke as it whacks its opponent the hosts seem completely oblivious to this for some reason. Probably because Skorpios is winning and there isn’t an immediately obvious source for the smoke. Anyways Blade is still only moving on one side and it hasn’t been counted out yet. The ref threatens to, but the count doesn’t start even though it’s clear as fucking day what’s wrong with the robot.

This photo is here purely to prove the existence of the Killsaws.

Because Blade hasn’t been considered KO’d despite being crippled for a full minute now Skorpios just comes in for more damage this time aiming for the right gearbox on Blade. Skorpios rains down some punishment while the Pulverizer goes to down on Blade’s weapon brace a few more times. The robot backs away, presumably to see if the ref makes good on his interest in counting Blade out, and when that doesn’t happen Skorpios cruises in again, hacks into Blade’s fucking face one more time, and gets its weapon stuck. This fight is so dire for Blade that even the Killsaws start getting in on the action when the dead spinner is dragged on top of them.

The ten second counter appears to signal the end of this fight and I just want to remind you that Blade spent two and a half minutes with only one side of drive and wasn’t counted out. I’m assuming this is because Skorpios kept interfering with the robot? Didn’t seem to stop them from counting out Malice earlier this episode. These calls are getting to Robot Wars levels of consistency, I swear.

WINNER: Skorpios, Judges’ Decision (3-0)



Hardcore Robotics

Weapon: Horizontal spinning blade


Team Mammoth

Weapon: Rotary lifting arm

Yes that’s a 250 pound jungle gym flying straight at you.

Introduced as the “2016 champion” because Bite Force has fucked off Tombstone rides into the arena on its personal mobility scooter. Hot off of its loss to Captain Shrederator (this is not a joke) it seems the titan has been put back together and armed with a solid steel blade that looks like a bar magnet. This introduction was preceded by a segment with Ray Billings talking about the history of his robot and whether or not it’s past its prime and no longer good. Ray says to ask anyone if they’re not afraid of Tombstone. Big dick energy. Despite literally just being a big ass bar connected to a big ass motor Tombstone is the kind of ridiculous that I don’t quite think will ever be “phased out”. You can engineer the stupidest and most intricate bullshit in CAD all you want. You can build the most perfectly complex robot there is that gives the best blowjobs between fights and I guarantee Tombstone can and will wreck your shit no matter what.

Mammoth is coming into this fight thinking it’s a rematch or something because it just got done defeating Hijinx and now its next opponent is… another horizontal spinner? Of all the robots in the field Mammoth gets not just another horizontal spinner to fight but the horizontal spinner. Tombstone can almost certainly do what Hijinx could not and I don’t know how a robot like Mammoth can prepare for this kind of carnage. What, is it just gonna come in with its refrigerator tipper and tickle Tombstone into oblivion? I know Ricky Willems has said Mammoth’s weapon resists bending vertically but its previous fight showed that statement to be false, Mammoth needs a miracle to walk out of this one alive.

Oh cool Mammoth has cambered wheels now!

I mean, props to Mammoth for coming out and driving straight into Tombstone and attempting to do something with its dickless weapon. Ricky says he needs to jam up Tombstone’s blade or get the robot to kill itself and I guess going for a destabilization with the lifter is about the only thing you can do but I mean just look at Tombstone’s second hit that sends the protective plate from Mammoth’s right wheel flying across the box. Mammoth has virtually no armor and all of the robot’s guts are now contained to those small control boxes on either side of the robot. For proof of that statement just hang on until Tombstone’s third hit which blows the entire right side of Mammoth wide open; not only is Mammoth’s drive motor hanging loose but I spy a pack of MaxAmps batteries laying on the floor now too.

It cannot be understated how badly this hit has ruined Mammoth’s shit. You can see its right wheel just flip-flopping around as the robot tries to drive and the motor still somehow works. This hit has also ruined Tombstone’s shit too however because it seems to have lost control of its left wheel. Ricky, you crazy son of a bitch you did it. Now the only problem is the fact that Mammoth is also crippled and crabwalking around. The refs both acknowledge that this is a simultaneous knock out and they start to count both robots out. Toward the end of its countdown though Mammoth actually gets enough purchase on the floor to spin away from its position and drift along the arena floor. Mammoth is still counted out. The fight goes to a special judges decision for the double KO and they rule in favor of Tombstone.

“We’re about to fuck one of you over really badly in a second.”

Let’s unpack this battle for a second here. I’ve got time. Up to this point in the episode we’ve seen Malice and Blade go on for minutes while being completely incapacitated on one side. Malice was even able to drift around even though Blade could not, and Blade was allowed to be beat on until the full three minutes were up. Why is it that Malice drifting around is somehow valid while Mammoth doing the same thing isn’t? Shouldn’t the ref watching Mammoth have stopped his countdown because the robot was mobile again? Mammoth isn’t my favorite robot but I’ll call a spade a spade, Mammoth just got shafted hard here. I believe this fight was allowed to be counted down to a double KO for the sake of television, not because both robots were actually knocked out. Mammoth moved. Fuck this.

WINNER: Tombstone, Special Judges’ Decision (3-0)



TKO Robotics

Weapon: Pneumatic flipping arm


Team Seems Reasonable

Weapon: Vertical spinning disc on sliding track


Lucky is another robot like Overhaul that we haven’t seen for a couple of seasons. One of those robots that nobody knew if the team was still around and willing to compete. Not only is Mark Demers still raring to go he’s also decided to hire a professional RC driver, Matt Olson, to steer his robot to victory. Mark’s no stranger to picking out drivers as Kenny reminds us that back in 2016 Gary Gin (Free Shipping / Original Sin) was the operator of Lucky. I’ve gotta say that’s not a bad idea, though the logic of “if you can drive an RC car you can drive a BattleBot” might still be a little bit flawed. Apples and oranges and all that. Lucky is still the same heavy duty flipper we’ve always known it to be and with a heavily armored front end it might prove tough for Tantrum to crack.

Debuting for the season in the same episode as its counterpart Blip, Tantrum is back with a budding win streak to see if it can wreck Lucky’s face. Tantrum took down Malice in its first fight, though Jackpot has demonstrated that apparently that’s something anyone can do. Malice was a much more compact robot than Lucky however and Tantrum is quite small so it’ll be interesting to see if Tantrum slings Lucky around like it did to Gamma 9 last season. Tantrum’s weapon is that tiny vertical spinner that slides out to “punch” other robots. The disc isn’t massive but it stores a hell of a lot of kinetic energy. The only real problem with Tantrum is I think someone needs to oil its fucking weapon sliding track because it seems to jam and get stuck all the time.

Lucky’s wheel retreats back into the red square.

Okay, forget what I said about RC cars and BattleBots, this Matt dude knows what the fuck he’s doing. In the first ten seconds of this fight Tantrum is flipped three times in a row without Lucky missing a single beat resulting in the orange spinner getting stuck on the spike strip bumper behind the red square. Tantrum fires its weapon to try and shake itself loose but it’s not working. These bumpers are supposed to fire outward like pinball flippers but they’re a part of the arena that we rarely see do a fucking thing so it wouldn’t surprise me if these weren’t plugged in or something.

Tantrum is high and dry on the side of the arena but Lucky’s not content with a ten second KO, Lucky comes in and pops Tantrum a fourth time and frees it from the wall. Bold. This is like a second wind for Tantrum as it gets to restart the fight and immediately goes for Lucky’s face jamming one of its forks under Lucky’s flipper and connecting its disc with Lucky’s front end. The hit isn’t too impressive, but it’s a mounting comeback for Tantrum who swings again and this time somehow reaches all the way around and plucks Lucky’s back left wheel off while throwing the Canadian robot all over. Lucky’s on the ropes and is also stuck against Tantrum’s face so it fires its flipper to hop loose from its opponent but all this does is open itself up to attack again and Tantrum comes over to rip loose part of the left wheel guard on Lucky. Should not have freed Tantrum from the wall.

Congrats, you ruined it.

Lucky is shoved across the floor and as it bumps into the red square screws it rides up Tantrum’s front end and its front left wheel catches on the spinner and it too is immediately yanked off of its hub and thrown away. The assault ends near the Pulverizer as Tantrum’s disc rips away even more of the shock mounting from Lucky’s busted up wheel guard and it’s at this time when Alex Grant, Tantrum’s team co-captain, tells the driver to back away and let Lucky get counted out. Lucky’s time is up and I think Matt knows this because whether you’re racing cars or driving robots if you fuck up so spectacularly that half of your wheels fall off there’s a good chance that means you’re out. Lucky very nearly had this one but got a big dick about it and ruined it. Trying to throw someone onto that goddamned shelf is not worth it. Tantrum moves up to 2-0 for the qualifiers and joins Jackpot.

WINNER: Tantrum, KO



Team Raptor

Weapon: Pivoting horizontal spinning blade & lifting arm


Combat Robotics at Berkeley

Weapon: Vertical spinning drum

Ghost Raptor welcomes Glitch to BattleBots by giving it free points.

Come pet the motherfucking cat. Ghost Raptor returns to BattleBots once again with the same sabertooth cat skulls for us to laugh at and mock. This is a robot who’s never been extremely reliable or durable as its losses in 2016 and 2020 highlight, this thing is prone to getting splayed open like a lobster. Ghost Raptor’s chassis looks more structurally sound this time around, there’s even a self-righting mast on the spinner/lifter combo weapon, but I’m seeing drive chains and sprockets for days here. This is a robot that opponents like Shatter and Skorpios would eat for breakfast but thankfully that’s not who Chuck Pitzer’s been drawn to fight. Maybe we’ll see a rare Ghost Raptor victory?

Glitch is one of the more highly anticipated robots to debut this season largely because it has such an unconventional design. Shaped like a stealth bomber this robot has perpendicular omni-directional wheels that ideally should let the robot strafe around and drive similarly to Shatter. Its weapon is a Black Dragon-styled spinning drum though I’m a little concerned with how far up inside the robot this weapon is mounted. There’s an entire train plow-esque front end for opponents to slide off of and away from the weapon. In my season predictions I supposed that this robot could attack sideways and feed robots into its drum that way but we’ll just have to see this thing in action to really understand how it works.

Above: One of the 17 times this fight could’ve ended in Ghost Raptor’s favor.

Glitch comes out of its square swaying like a swimming fish and very elegantly ducks around Ghost Raptor whose weapon looks more like a food processor someone popped the lid off of. The two robots posture around the arena for a bit until Ghost Raptor overcorrects and opens up its right side to a glancing blow from Glitch’s spinner. Some pretty titanium sparks are sheared off of the sabertooth cat and a nice chunk is bitten off of the robot. Glitch looks to stall out in front of the deck and Ghost Raptor capitalizes on this by landing a blow with its chopper. Ghost Raptor then tries to lift Glitch up into the deck’s screws but misses its mark and makes the expert maneuver of lowering its entire weapon assembly directly onto Glitch’s fucking spinner. The most immediately apparent damage is that the decorative teeth from Ghost Raptor are broken off but the hit has also disabled its flamethrower and removed one of the lifting forks. Plus, the spinner isn’t going anymore. Sabertooth cat.

“Wa wa we wa.” – Chuck Pitzer

Glitch drifts away while Ghost Raptor raises its weapon all the way up so it can self right. When Ghost Raptor lands on its wheels it tries to spin up its weapon but it looks like there’s something jamming the blade because you can see it turn and then come to an immediate halt. Maybe the hit from Glitch did something to it but if you ask me that spinner looked dead even before it was carelessly dropped onto Glitch’s drum. Glitch must be following the wind current inside the arena or something because it floats over into the corner behind the deck and is chased down by Ghost Raptor who again slams its lifting mechanism down on its spinner. This time Glitch’s spinner was powering down however so it’s not a massive hit. Ghost Raptor climbing on top of Glitch has had an effect on the robot however, Glitch is now stuck against the wall.

Ghost Raptor has this fight in the bag. It’s not an exciting battle but if I had a career record as bad as the cat’s then I’d take the win and say “fuck it” but Chuck does the sportsmanlike thing and frees Glitch from the wall. Glitch careens over to the bumper that Tantrum got stuck on and gets stuck again and just to add a little “fuck you” to Tantrum the bumper fires off showing that yes they do still work and the arena hazard operators were content to just leave Tantrum out to die. I don’t think the bumpers are automatic. Ghost Raptor shoves Glitch across the floor and into the wall but still hasn’t been able to get a solid lift in with its pivoting center chassis part. Glitch gets away and oh my god there’s still 90 seconds left in this fucking battle.

I’m going to make this the featured image of the article as a joke.

I think Glitch’s problem is that its front end literally scrapes the floor and because of this the front point has a lot of weight bearing down on it causing it to unintentionally act as a pivot. It doesn’t help that Glitch has stupid wheels meaning that something that’s already borderline impossible to drive well is being hindered further by being balanced improperly. Glitch cruises across the floor and bumps the wall near the red square. Ghost Raptor follows and takes a hit which rolls the robot over and prompts Chuck to do a Borat “wa wa we wa” impression. Glitch is dead again and you can see one set of its omni-wheels trying to spin to free it so there’s definitely something design-related wrong with this robot.

Ghost Raptor fucking with Glitch causes the robot to get free from the floor again and knock its centerpiece backwards with its drum. The rush ends with a nice pin at the front spire of the Upper Deck and some less than impressive aluminum sparks being shed from the cat. This is the last major hit of the fight before the clock mercy kills this battle and sends it to the judges. They shrug collectively and return a verdict that favors Glitch. I guess I don’t disagree with that assessment, Glitch did the most damage and I don’t think anybody showed control. Congratulations Glitch, you sucked less.

WINNER: Glitch, Judges’ Decision (3-0)



Team Sawblaze

Weapon: Hammer saw


Team Bad Kitty

Weapon: Vertical spinning blade

slap chop you’re gonna love my nuts

From the season opener to a main event, Sawblaze is back after a few episode break from gutting Minotaur like a salmon. Sawblaze made that shit look easy with the way it rolled Minotaur over and then brought its hammer saw down on Minotaur’s underside. I feel like I could probably do that. Sawblaze hasn’t really changed its configuration up for this fight, it still has three front prongs and the spinning hammer saw blade and that’s really it. There’s still a flamethrower too in case anyone gives a shit about those. With the level of near surgical precision that Jamison Go can drop that blade with I think Mad Catter ought to start counting its nine lives because it might be leaving here minus a few of them. Jamison’s even casually mentioned he’s attached a brand new blade onto Sawblaze specifically for this fight.

Before this match there was this whole little segment with Martin Mason from Mad Catter’s team and whether or not he’s always in character. Turns out yes he is because he understands what kayfabe is. He teaches his engineering class remotely to bewildered people and then orders ten cheese pizzas. There’s only like six people on the team. How much pizza are you guys fucking eating? Mad Catter is riding high after exterminating Yeti with extreme prejudice in its opening fight. Sawblaze’s opener might’ve had fire but Mad Catter’s had parts galore. There’s a lot of real estate that Mad Catter needs to avoid on Sawblaze’s front end but if it can get around to the sides or back we could see an upset in the making.

This is probably one of the greatest video stills I’ve taken from a fight. Holy shit.

Mad Catter goes for the box rush and flops though it is able to catch Sawblaze from the corner and attack it. It’s unable to get any purchase on the dragon so that means it’s time for Mad Catter to die. Sawblaze scoops it up into its loving wings… and then proceeds to slice the fucking shit out of it with its hammer saw. The chopper comes down several times hacking into the cat and somewhere in this mess of being slammed into the screws, toasted, and sliced into Mad Catter has lost one of its upper struts for its weapon. These are the little “rabbit ears” that brace against the floor in the event the robot is flipped onto its lid. Kenny thinks Mad Catter’s lifter has been taken out but I think it’s just been intentionally raised up to get it out of the way and force Mad Catter’s blade as far out as possible.

Sawblaze has yet to really let up on Mad Catter and drops the Pulverizer on it directly down onto Mad Catter’s spinner. This is the good shit right here, Mad Catter’s blade is visibly damaging the hazard but Jamison doesn’t give two fucks he has his homie dropping the hammer no matter what. It’s not his hammer, fuck ’em. Sawblaze finally backs off and Mad Catter looks lost out there. As Sawblaze is backing away its 30 pound spinning disc collides with Mad Catter’s flamethrowing minibot and immediately blows its internal batteries up. Toxic smoke fills the Battlebox as Sawblaze chops directly into Mad Catters ass and literally rips it a new asshole.

yiff in hell

Mad Catter is stuck on Sawblaze’s blade and the only way Jamison knows to get the robots separated is to smash the fuck out of his opponent so Mad Catter is introduced to the Upper Deck’s screws over and over again until Sawblaze literally rips the entire goddamned armor panel off of Mad Catter to unstick its blade. Mad Catter is slammed into the deck again and the robot flips over and tilts downward onto its face, the missing weapon strut now more apparent than ever. Sawblaze digs into the front of the underside of Mad Catter and catches its corner so it can then drag the cat over to the Pulverizer and smash it down until the refs call this fight off on the grounds that first degree murder is still technically illegal even in the arena.

God damn Jamison really hates that robot.

WINNER: Sawblaze, KO


As I write these articles one thing I wish the producers would do is at least tease who’s coming up in the next episode. They used to do that back in the Comedy Central days of the show by spoiling entire match-ups but I’d be fine with something as simple as “and stay tuned because next week Dragonslayer makes its rookie debut!” (Note: I do not actually know if Dragonslayer is in next week’s show but if it is consider this a happy coincidence. I’m just trying to think of who we haven’t seen yet.) At least give us something to chew on while we wait for next week to roll around. As it stands people are still combing team pages on Instagram and checking episode descriptions on the TV guide to see if main events or other fights are revealed. It’s insane the lengths people will go just to get even the faintest hint of details.

The standout fight for me this week is hands down Sawblaze and Mad Catter. I don’t think there was a single moment where Mad Catter was effective in the slightest, that was just complete and utter ego destruction. If there was ever a moment where Martin dropped his character act it was probably to say “holy goddamned balls” while that beating was going down. Worst fight of the week is a toss up. I want to say it was Ghost Raptor’s fight because that was painful to watch but honestly I think I’m going with Mammoth’s battle just because of the inconsistent application of the rules. I already went over it but I’ll point out a bad call when I see it and that was a bad call. Tombstone should be 0-2 right now, simple as that. Nothing against Tombstone I just think we need a proper definition of “controlled movement”. We’re six seasons into the reboot and still having problems like this.

That’s going to do it for BattleBots Update this week. I want to thank everyone who participated in my Reddit AMA for /r/BattleBots last week it was a lot of fun and it’s been a long time since I’ve gotten to do something like that. It means a lot that this now seven year old project of mine is not only still relevant but still followed so closely by so many people. If you want to pitch in to help support BBU you can do so monthly on Patreon where we’re close to breaking the $100 mark or you can contribute once on Ko-FI where we’re also close to breaking another goal there thanks to Cal M. we smashed that goal and there’s a new one set up! Also special thanks to Jon B., Steve T., Eccitaze, and B1ade who’ve joined the Patreon! If you want some BBU swag you can check out Redbubble and remember to follow BattleBots Update on Facebook for various things pertaining to this website and robot combat in general.

See you next week!

– Draco